We all know that one person who seems to have had the perfect childhood
They always had great parents, never fought with their siblings, and got straight A's in school. But for most of us, this wasn't our reality. In fact, more people than you would think had a pretty dysfunctional childhood. This doesn't mean that we're doomed for a life of misery and pain - but it can affect the way we behave as adults.
The truth is, you didn’t have to grow up in a crack house or the system to have had a dysfunctional childhood.
We often make the struggles we faced growing up seem smaller than they are. Often, we think of how much “worse” others have it to discount the trauma we went through.
But, just because your childhood wasn’t as bad as others don’t mean it wasn’t dysfunctional. Chances are, there are dysfunctional moments in most people’s childhoods. Plus, the truth is that these dysfunctional moments affect people in different ways. Even people within the same household. Thinking “well, my sibling turned out fine” doesn’t take away the fact that you were affected by your dysfunctional childhood. Actually, it's very common for the same event to impact siblings in very different ways.
Have You Ever Heard of The ACE Study?
The CDC-Kaiser Permanente adverse childhood experiences (ACE) study sought to look at the long-term impact of childhood abuse, neglect, and household challenges. They first looked at how common various childhood stressors were. These included stressors like:
Abuse
Parental divorce
Foster homes
Household mental illness
And more
Then, they looked at the impact of those on later-life health and well-being. The findings demonstrated that ACEs are common across all populations. In fact, almost two-thirds of study participants reported at least one ACE. What may be even more surprising, more than 20% reported 3+ ACEs.
Unfortunately, most people who experience these types of events discount the impact that it will have on them later in life. But, the ACEs study demonstrated with data what most therapists already knew. That is, the struggles we faced as children have a lasting impact on adulthood.
The study found that the more ACES a person experienced, the more likely they were to have a wide host of challenges or negative outcomes later in life. Some of these include:
Suicide
Unintended pregnancy
Pregnancy complications or fetal death
STDs
Cancer
Diabetes
And so much more
In Other Words?
Negative experiences in childhood DO impact you later in life. This is true even if they weren't as dramatic as some other people you've known. Or, in scenarios, your brain may bring up to discount your own.
Still not sure if your childhood counts as "dysfunctional?" Here are some specific signs that you may have had a dysfunctional childhood:
The ACEs quiz points to 3+ risk factors you experienced as a child
You're very independent....or even too independent sometimes
Your parents were always fighting or yelling at each other.
You have a hard time trusting people.
You've never felt truly loved or supported.
Sometimes, bad memories come to you when you *should* be happy
You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop
You struggle with anger
If things seem too good to be true, you self sabotage
You're always looking for approval from others.
You struggle with intimacy in relationships.
What does this mean for you if you experienced dysfunction in your childhood? It means that you aren't alone. It means that some of the mental health or relationship struggles you've had so far have a reason. And, that reason can get addressed.
You aren’t doomed to a life of misery and pain because of what happened to you when you were younger. But, it is important to understand how your past is impacting you currently and to seek out help.
As an online therapist in Tennessee who often works with clients exploring the impact their childhood had on their own development, I get it.
To be honest, most people have issues from their childhood which they are healing from. Some may be more so than others. But few people get to adulthood without some sort of scars.
You may call your childhood dysfunctional or not. Regardless, you deserve to move forward in life and not feel hindered by the past. Anything that made you as a child feel bad or uncomfortable had an impact. When people (most often mom and dad) weren’t there to support you, it makes up a dysfunctional childhood.
Now, just because you had dysfunctional moments in your childhood doesn't mean it was all bad.
You likely had lots of good moments. And there were positive factors that got you through and made you who you are today. Trauma therapists often call those "protective factors." But, it's important to note that these "protective factors" don't discount the fact that the dysfunction did indeed happen.
The bottom line? It's ok to admit that parts of your childhood were less than perfect. And to admit that those dysfunctional pieces of your childhood had an impact. Clearly seeing (or even less than clearly seeing at first) is the first step to healing. The next step is to explore the impact of that dysfunction. Working with a therapist can help start the healing process. Together, you can develop healthy ways of managing stress in your life moving forward.
BeGIN Working Through Childhood Trauma in Germantown, TN
Regardless of the signs, you may have experienced childhood trauma, and you deserve support. I understand finding the right support is much easier said than done. Additionally, I offer support from my Germantown, TN-based counseling practice. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Contact me at stucook@vituscounseling.com or (901)-257-9031
Set up a free consultation call and get to know more about me
Start overcoming childhood trauma!
Other Services Offered by Stu Cook At Vitus Counseling
Childhood trauma therapy isn't the only service I offer from my Germantown, TN-based therapy practice. I also offer online therapy for residents across Tennessee. Other mental health services include treatment for depression, ADHD, OCD, and anxiety. I also offer treatment for trauma, addiction treatment, and Brainspotting therapy. Feel free to learn more by visiting my blog today!
